Undying love...literally

The sun has finally set, so I make the trek to a spot that holds every fond memory I have ever held in my long life. I feel sharp sticks cracking and breaking beneath my feet and leaves from the trees gently brush across my face as I walk toward the only light I can see in the vast darkness around me.
The light ahead of me is a dim, a yellow electric light and I feel a sense of joy come over me as I watch the tiny square window get closer to me.
I move the last bit of branch in front of me out of the way, so the window is now in full view. I look around and sense no one outside, so I decide to take a step closer; but not out of the protection of the trees and darkness.
Night after night I come to this window in hopes to spend a small portion of the night with the girl i was once willing to devote all of my eternity with.
It is dark and the area is deserted so I know she doesn’t know I am here, and it is better that she doesn’t, for if she saw me and discovered what I was, the consequences of such a discovery would be catastrophic.
The moonlight hits the side of my face and if I had a beating heart it would be thrumming joyously at the anticipation of finally seeing my beloved.
I can’t tell you the exact date I started coming here, but it was around the time I had died; 254 years ago. So, every night, without fail, I come here to visit my love and just catch a glimpse of her swaying in front of the window, even if it is only for an hour.
She was my Jane, my beautiful Jane. With her honey blond hair and her milky white skin; the loveliest girl you ever did see. God promised us a land flowing with milk and honey and I had it; here with me I had the everlasting promise from the deity himself. But our love was cut short by the plague and my good fortune and my promised land left me all too soon.
A problem that had always struggled with as a youth was the love for gambling. Well, one night in town I met a stranger who wanted me to try my hand at poker, and naturally the stranger won, naturally. My game was a good game of Whist, I wasn’t much of a poker man. Toward the end I got careless and bet more then I had, so naturally when the game was over the gentleman was very upset that I couldn’t pay my debt, but I made a promise, which I meant, to pay him back in a fortnight. He seemed very agreeable to the alternative and we had a gentleman’s agreement, or so I thought.
On the walk home from town I decided to take my horse through a short cut through the woods, and I soon realized that was a terrible idea. Something, that felt like the weight of 6 horses, came at my from the side, completely throwing me off my horse. This creature, which I took to be a wild cat, ripped and tore at me and soon my over coat and my skin were all shredded.
I finally got a look at my assailant, and it was the man from the poker table. I begged for mercy, for I thought his intention was to rob me and kill me, all over the money I owed him. I was wrong; he wanted a higher price, something worth more than money. My mortality.
This gentleman drained me of my blood and for 2 days I was rolling over in agony in a cave hidden deep in the forest. I never saw him after he had eaten his fill, and I was sure I was going to die of what I was suffering from.
The pain was excruciating; it felt as if my own body was rejecting itself, and I was begging for death, just some kind of relief from the pain; when the relief came I realized the agony was much better.
I awoke extremely thirsty, but not for water or any kind of drink, but for something I couldn’t quite understand; I wanted blood.
I will not tell the details of the first few weeks of being a vampire, for it is far to gruesome to recall or speak of. All I can convey is how much I wished for death, how much I wished to leave this world, how much I wished for it all to end.
After a few weeks I remembered my Jane and realized…I can never come into contact with her again; for she was a human, in my mind all she was, was a meal, and I could not bear the thought of hurting poor Jane. I knew I was too weak to resist her; for who can resist milk and honey.
I took solitude in the vast forests and kept myself hidden away from the world. My life was over and what was worse, my life with Jane was over…I had nothing. If I couldn’t have my Jane what was to live for.
I couldn’t be with Jane but when I thought I had enough self restraint I decided to start visiting this very window.
The first night I came to see her she was crying and weeping for me, and I couldn’t care the sight of seeing my dear beloved in agony. Oh, how I wanted to tell her I was alive but I knew it would not end well. Either I would frighten her to death or she would die at my hands. So I kept my distance, and every night when the sun went down I came to visit my sweet Jane.
I watched a new man wipe the tears from her eyes and soon after that I watched her marry. I felt the despair strike me even harder after that; I watched another man move in on my Jane and I hated him for living the life that was rightfully mine; that was supposed to be me in that house, not him.
Despite her new nuptials I still came to see her in the window; I didn’t care if I could not touch her, if I could not feel her embrace then seeing her would have to suffice and I was content with that, plus what could I do from the distance of the trees. I could kill the man and drain his blood, but even if it wasn’t me making Jane happy I thought at least one of us should have the chance.
I watched them have children; then I watched my beautiful Jane grow old; then she finally withered and died. Then, I was left to roam the lonely nights…alone. For the first time I felt truly alone, it really dawned on me that I had nothing and that I was nothing. I was nothing but a thirsty vampire on the brink of being a savage like the rest of my kind.
Out of habit I still came to the house, for it still held precious memories for me, and when you have nothing to live for you try to sum up whatever happiness you have experienced in your life, and this was the spot that never failed me. Although I couldn’t be to fanciful in my fantasies because at some point I would remember my hopes could not come into fruition, so I always had to keep my fantasies at bay or at least tame, or else reality would strike with a thousand blows to my heart.
When I was staring into the lonely window trying to imagine my Jane dancing back and forth I saw the most peculiar figure in the window…it was my Jane!. She was young healthy and vibrant again. How could this be? How could I have my jane back? Were the Gods sorry for my fate and they revitalized her just to appease my longing and sorrow? Then I realized, it was her daughter, Clare; and my heart broke again. How can a still heart break when it never beat to begin with?
The similarities between Jane and Clare were so profound that I felt like I was seeing my Jane again. So from then on I visited with the next best thing, Clare.
When Clare died I would come to see her daughter Caroline. Every time one of Jane’s grandchildren died, there was always another to take her place; yet another gift from the Gods.
What was odd, to me, was no matter how many generations ago Jane had lived, her grand daughters always looked just like her, right up to the very last detail. So, in 254 years it has been like I have been looking at the same girl, my lovely Jane.
After a half an hour of waiting I come to see what I have been waiting for, A beautiful blond woman, with a wide pink smile sways back and forth in front of the window. She wears a white cotton night gown and her beautiful hair is twisted in a gentle braid at her side. She is smiling her beautiful smile down at something in her arms, but I am too taken with her beautiful face to noticed what she holding. I feel my tight vampire skin stretch in my face and a smile that I only smile at this spot is finally here.
I know in my heart it is not Jane but I know in my sight it is my Jane. There is no difference between now and 1754. It all looks the same; the forest, the house, and my Jane. I feel alive once more, and I feel the same fulfillment as I didn’t 254 years ago. I no longer feel idle and dead, I feel like a real person again, and my happiness is restored….until tomorrow that is. If this is the only happiness I can find it will suffice, if all I can get is an hour after sunset, then I will take it. All I need is one hour to look at my Jane and I am alive again, and if that’s all I can get then I will take it, and I will be happy.
SO year after year, century after century I come to these trees and hide myself from sight, and watch my beautiful Jane through an illuminated window; and when this one dies I will come to see the little daughter that this figure now rocks to sleep. For it is the only thing I have left in this cruel world; even if it is only for an hour, I will see my beautiful Jane.
I can’t live without my Jane, but I cannot die either. SO I do with what I have and wait, night after night, to see her granddaughter sway in the darkness, completely ignorant of my existence.
Oh beautiful Jane, die my dear love, for I cannot. Go in your peace and leave me here in this world, for if anyone should have calm and happiness it is you my love.